Ironically, I just passed a part in Final Fantasy 7 when Cloud had to wear a dress.  It all makes sense now.

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

To compare, the Nintendo 3DS lacks what the Vita has, just like the Wii lacked what the PS3 had, good exclusive titles.  The 3DS has hundreds of exclusive titles that, frankly, most people don’t care about. The Vita will dive into almost every beloved series that has hit one of the PlayStations at some point. Sure, Nintendo has the 3D gimmick, but put Miley Cyrus in 3D and give Kratos a few more hours of genocide, and see which game has better sales (crap, Miley Cyrus will probably still get better sales, but you know what we mean!).

But enough of that. We have some great releases this week besides the Vita, so let’s get to them:

Alan Wake’s American Nightare – 360 (XBLA)

The main story mode in Alan Wake’s American Nightmare is part of the ‘Night Springs’ TV show fiction and offers an exaggerated pulp action adventure where the horrors of reality have the all too easy habit of coming true. Alan Wake finds himself stuck in an altered reality filled with dangerous shadows; he must leap into action and pursue his evil doppelganger, Mr. Scratch, across the Arizona mesa towards the town of Night Springs. Scratch, a supernatural serial killer, has his evil plans set on Wake’s wife, Alice. Wake must learn to control reality itself and unravel the secret to Mr. Scratch’s demise while using the power of light to put an end to the darkness.

Official Website: Alan Wake’s American Nightmare

Asura’s Wrath – 360, PS3

Once a revered deity, Asura was betrayed by his fellow gods and stripped of all his powers. Consumed by anger at the injustice he has suffered and swearing vengeance, Asura discovers he can use this fury to his advantage and turn it against his enemies. By channelling his inner rage, Asura is now able to unleash devastating attacks and wreak havoc as he battles against the deities who have wronged him and their earthly forces. Inspired by episodic dramas, Asura’s Wrath will be split into distinct sections with gameplay and narrative unfolding as one and building to a final climatic conclusion.

Official Website: Asura’s Wrath (Japanese)

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 3D – 3DS

In the third installment in the Metal Gear Solid series, you reprise your role as Solid Snake (GF Note: Naked Snake, not Solid Snake), an elite tactical soldier. This time, you are sent on a dangerous mission to both infiltrate enemy territory and uncover the secrets behind a newly created weapon of mass destruction. Survival within the jungle environments and its unpredictable settings requires basic animal instincts, as well as advanced combat and hunting skills. Set in the 1960s, the game features different types of camouflage, open-ended environments, and an array of new weapons and moves.

Official Website: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 3D

PlayStation Vita

Discover completely new ways to play. PS Vita revolutionizes the gaming experience with dual analog sticks, front and rear multi touch pads, motion sensors, and front and rear cameras. Game at the speed of your mobile lifestyle, start your game on PS3 and continue on the go with your PS Vita.

Official Website: PlayStation Vita

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

We are only about a month away from the exciting conclusion of the Mass Effect trilogy. In honor of that momentous occasion, I will be focusing on one of the best characters of the franchise (and definitely one of the absolute hottest in any game ever created): Miranda Lawson.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who thinks pixels and digital images creates a hot woman. The characters of Mass Effect are digital re-creations of real people and actors/actresses. In this case, Miranda is voiced and modeled by Yvonne Strahovski; the very talented and beautiful actress from the show Chuck. So, when I say that Miranda is hot, I’m talking about this woman:

Not a good enough picture? How about this one?

You’re welcome. Watch Chuck sometime. But anyway, my infatuation with Yvonne Strahovski aside, you can see why anytime Miranda comes on the screen in the game, one would think of her real-life counterpart. I mean come on, in the game Miranda is actually genetically-created to be perfect in every way; in her fighting skills and intelligence, as well as her looks. That makes her completely bad-ass! To be honest, there’s never a moment when she leaves my squad in the game, she’s just that damn good. It’s too bad she’s a Cerberus operative, because that organization is completely shady, but hopefully she’ll be a bit smarter in the next game and join Shepard in the Alliance.

As with the first Mass Effect, you have a choice of who you want to be romantically involved with. This time around, it’s a no-brainer. When you’re playing as a male character, and your choices are between Miranda, Jack (a bald-headed, tattoo-covered, sex-crazed psycho), Morinth (if you have sex with her, you’ll die.. ’nuff said), and Tali (an annoying alien who keeps her face covered at all times), let’s be honest.. you’d go for Miranda in a heartbeat. On a side note, that’s just my opinion. If you’re a player who’s into Jack, more power to you.

After playing through the first Mass Effect, I was a little disappointed because the only romantic interests for a male player were Ashley Williams and Liara T’Soni; they weren’t bad looking, but their personalities were very bland (think Kourtney Kardashian.. it’s the same situation). But, when I first started playing Mass Effect 2, and I saw Miranda (and found out that it was Yvonne Strahovski), I said to myself, “Awesome. This is a woman who’s worthy of my Shepard” (No pun intended). Hell, even the game’s creators knew that players were going to have difficulty passing her up; they never had any problem having camera angles that showcased her amazing buttocks. Don’t believe me? Here’s one of many:

I apologize if this has been sort of a “How Hot is Miranda Lawson?” article, but come on, can you blame me? Besides, with Mass Effect 3 just around the corner, I had to bring attention to Miranda and all of her assets (pun very much intended). I think I rest my case on the subject.

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

I should clarify what I mean. I’m not talking about characters like Mortal Kombat’s Mileena (and you can read about my opinions on her in my Character of the Month article). True, Mileena is…maybe ugly isn’t strong enough a word, but Mortal Kombat is full of characters ranging from ugly to plain to beautiful and handsome. There’s the whole spectrum of physical looks there. Well…maybe not. I mean, not everyone in real-life has the body of an underwear model, but that’s beside the point. What I mean are the games that seem to have not one character that doesn’t look like they came from the Gollum family tree.

I suppose I took notice of the trend back when I began playing Red Dead Redemption. I was hardly an hour into the game when I suddenly realised, “Hey! There are a lot of ugly people in this game.” John Marston, his wife and just about everyone else looks like they’ve spent their whole life getting into bar fights night after night down in Armadillo. Even UFC fighter Wanderlei Silva doesn’t look that beat up!

Red Dead is just one offender. Heavy Rain is full of unattractive characters. So is Skyrim (have you seen those Dark Elves?!). I don’t think it’s possible to create a character that doesn’t have the “Innsmouth look” using Dark Souls’ or Demon’s Souls‘ character creation systems. And that’s just naming a few!

Now I realise I’ve probably offended quite a few of you. Some of you might be saying, “Bad form, Ninja! Are you really that shallow?” or “You know, I’m ugly. It’s nice seeing people in video games that look like me. Do you really think only beautiful people should be in video games?” Yes and no.

First of all, I realise beauty, like art, is subjective and that a person’s looks aren’t everything. Also, I’m not saying every video game should be like a Square Enix game, full of pre-pubescent, cherub-like characters, nor am I saying ugly people shouldn’t be in video games at all. What I am saying is there should be a balance and that all important middle ground: the average man (or woman).

While you may be saying, “Finally the developers are doing things right. We have some normal looking people showing up in video games,” you’re wrong. If you honestly think armies of ugly characters make for a more “realistic” game, then you are one pessimistic fellow (or lady) and should probably see a psychiatrist. Yes, it’s true, the world is not made up exclusively of Victoria’s Secret models and WWE wrestlers, but it’s not dominantly ugly people either. The norm, the status quo, the average is just that: average. Not gorgeous and not ugly.

So, if the growing trend in gaming is to make them, including their characters, more real, then there should be more plain, average, everyday people. Besides, I’m really sick of playing games where my character choices are ugly, hideous, fugly and I’m-just-gonna-throw-up. There is something to be said for attractiveness. Because if developers were creating their game-engines the way they’re creating their characters, they wouldn’t be fun to play; they’d be like Spawn: The Eternal!

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

Well, folks, its a great week for PlayStation Vita owners because…Wait. What? You mean there aren’t any PlayStation Vita owners? Of course there isn’t, because the system isn’t even out yet! But, for some reason, Sony is having a limited release of their new handheld a week before it’s official release. And not only does the original release come with a new game (Little Deviants), there’s also a catalog of five other games hitting stores the very same day: February 15th (Wednesday of this week). I suppose Sony thinks anyone buying the Vita will love their brand-new, never played system so much they’ll want to make additional purchases such as Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational to tide them over for a week before the system is officially released with yet more pointless titles until developers think the system is doing well enough to create games worth playing. Anyway, here are the picks for this week. I’d like to add the Vita to the mix, but unfortunately, it’s not officially out until next week. So here are some of it’s games instead:

Little Deviants – Vita

Okay. Well, based on this trailer, Sony’s not really selling me on the Vita early. Sure it’s nice to have a free game with your new purchase, but do you really want something you can’t even sell on eBay for a buck? I’m sure some of the mini-games are fun to play, but I’m also pretty sure you’ll get bored with the game after a day of owning it, just like when you were a kid.

Little Deviants is an Arcade style mini-game collection focused on the Little Deviant characters ongoing attempts to escape from their robot enemies. The games in the collection are especially designed to focus players’ attention on mastery of the various controls and features of PlayStation Vita, including front and rear touch screen input, tap and drag input, and motion sensor and rear camera functionality. The game contains more than 30 mini-games/levels, an online leaderboard, and local eight player multiplayer support through a single handheld.

Uncharted: Golden Abyss – Vita

Sony had to release at least one title that might actually get people buying the Vita, and another Nathan Drake adventure is almost a guarantee to get some schmuck to shell out money on a new system they can’t be sure won’t go the way of a Sega console! But all things considered, Uncharted: Golden Abyss looks like it uses the Vita’s abilities quite nicely (I love the idea behind the sniper mode). This is one game I’d think most Vita owners shouldn’t pass up…when the handheld comes out next week, that is.

Uncover the dark secret behind the 400-year-old massacre of a Spanish expedition as Nathan Drake follows the murderous trail of an ancient and secret Spanish sect. Caught in the middle of a rivalry between Jason Dante – his old friend – and Marisa Chase – the granddaughter of an archeologist who has mysteriously vanished without a trace – Nathan Drake races into the treacherous river basins, undiscovered temple ruins and karst caverns of Central America in search of a legendary lost city, only to find himself pushed to the edge of the Golden Abyss.

Warp – PS3, Xbox 360

This one actually looks interesting. I’m not sure exactly what the game is about. (Some alien escaping captivity?) But this demented Lilo & Stitch (minus Lilo, it would seem) has potential…based on the trailer that is, which isn’t saying much.

Warp is an Action game, developed by Trapdoor and published by Electronic Arts, scheduled to be released in 2012.

Twisted Metal – PS3

Series creator David Jaffe (also of God of War fame) and team return for the next installment in the Twisted Metal series: Twisted Metal. I’d tell you what number it is, but apparently Mortal Kombat (2011) set the trend for naming your newest game by the same title as the original. I suppose it’s a less confident attempt at rebooting the series? Anyway, I won’t give Jaffe a hard time, as God of War was an amazing series, but I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth for Twisted Metal.

With four factions battling for control, players step into the combat boots of a twisted disciple in a high octane, highly destructible world. Players fight for the prize of one wish fulfilled by the stylishly evil Calypso, the mastermind behind the Twisted Metal tournament. Disciples strategically dismantle opponents in vehicles loaded with weapons of Twisted destruction.

UFC Undisputed 3 – PS3, Xbox 360

I’ve only played the first Undisputed title and I have to say it was so atrocious that, even as an UFC fan, I will never so much as touch another one. And this trailer is not making me regret that decision. All it is is still shots and small animations of fighters performing moves showing off how realistic the in-game models look. Typical THQ, making a sub-par game based on the most popular male-sport entertainment of the time and only concentrating on realism. Honestly, I don’t care if the fighters are sprites, as long as the thing is fun to play! And with this game coming out on Valentine’s Day, I’m sure girlfriends all over the country will be so happy when their meat-head boyfriends brings home a copy of this instead of flowers. Smooth, man. Real smooth.

The critically acclaimed and best-selling MMA videogame franchise returns to take players inside the Octagon with UFC Undisputed 3, delivering intense UFC action focused on brutal toe-to-toe combat, impressive visual presentation and increased accessibility.

Also out this week: Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational, WipEout 2048, Tales of the Abyss, Reality Fighters, Rhythm Heaven Fever, ModNation Racers: Road Trip, Alan Wake (PC), Crusader Kings II, and Grand Slam Tennis 2.

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

Well, here we are, fellow Flushers. It’s the second Funday Friday of the Month, and you know what that means? Comic of the Month time! Here we have a break from the typical Staff comics, with a Skyrim comic, co-written by our very own Teach.

(click image for larger view)

Now I’m going to admit, I have not yet played the alleged epicness that is Skyrim. I say “alleged” because Teach holds that Dark Souls is still the better of the two and many who have played both that he’s spoken to have also said as much. That said, obviously, the game does not have a King Raymar (that I know of) nor a bandit named Ka’hil. (Though wouldn’t I be some kind of psychic if these were actual Skyrim characters?) I only had Teach’s guidance to go with, which is typically little.

Teach basically asked for a Skyrim comic that poked fun at the stunning and obvious repetition of voice-actors throughout the game. I wrote a script, and then he told me it wasn’t quite there, specifying a little more clearly what he was looking for. It’s one of those things that drives me nuts artistically: when someone is being so vaguely specific or specifically vague (essentially, the creator/hiring party tells you everything they don’t want). Teach is good for that.

Anyway, I love my brother all the same. And here’s his second Game-Flush comic. Thank, God, it wasn’t another two pager!

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

By now most of us have recovered from Christmas and post-Christmas shopping sprees, so I suppose it’s time to start restocking on some new games to play. This week in gaming is pretty impressive, with some titles that may fly under the radar, but should definitely end up on your list. All I know is until Diablo III sees daylight, this gamer will not be rejoicing in any new game purchases… And with Blizzard continuing to be silent on the release of Diablo III, well it’s just another sad and gray week for me . But anyway, enough sissy whining, time to unleash another Early Swirly of power unto the world!

Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning - PS3, X-Box 360, PC

Start with the brains behind Elder Scrolls III and IV, throw in some artwork from none other than Todd McFarlane (creator of Spawn), and add fantasy writer R.A. Salvatore’s sterling influence, and you get Kingdom of Amalur: Reckoning. Simple math, kids.

“An open-world action RPG, Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning is set in Amalur, a rich and deeply immersive world underpinned by 10,000 years history, created by 22 time New York Times bestselling author, R.A. Salvatore. Designed by open-world RPG legend Ken Rolston, Reckoning offers players unparalleled choice in a world of infinite possibility. Together, the visionaries and development team behind Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning are creating a game that aims to forever change the RPG genre.”

The Darkness II  - PS3, X-Box 360, PC

Based off the comic book series of the same name, players get a hybrid first person shooter with numerous other ways to destroy your enemies in brutal and sadistic fashion. Win.

“It’s been two years since Jackie Estacado, now the Don of the Franchetti crime family, used The Darkness to kill the men responsible for his girlfriend’s murder. He’s been unable to shake the memory of Jenny’s death since bottling up his supernatural power, and now The Darkness wants out. A sudden, unprovoked attack on Jackie’s life heralds the start of a full-scale mob war, which has clearly been orchestrated by some outside force.”

Combat Wings: The Great Battles of WWII  - PS3, X-Box 360, Nintendo Wii, PC

Relive the historical battles of the 2nd World War from the cockpit of a fighter plane. Shoot down your enemies and possibly even learn a little history while you’re at it.

“Players assume the role of one of four pilots taking on the Axis alliance during four different air campaigns, including the intense Battle of Britain, the war in Africa, the Eastern Front and the Pacific island-hopping campaign.”

Resident Evil Revealations  - Nintendo 3DS

Resident Evil takes a ride on the 3D band wagon, adding a new chapter to this storied series. If you own a 3DS and the 3D effects don’t give you a headache, you might wanna check this bad boy out.

“Revealing a brand new storyline in this horror franchise, Resident Evil: Revelations has players investigating a deadly threat on board a stranded cruise liner in the Mediterranean. You will need to fight for survival while exploring the dark and claustrophobic environments both at sea and as the action moves to dry land.”

Gotham City Imposters - PSN, X-Box Live Arcade, PC

This game looks incredible. Now every dork’s dream of becoming a super hero or villain has come true. Players will relish in customizing their own wacky heroes or villains, which should make for some insane online play for a long time to come.

“Gotham City Impostors is a multiplayer game unlike any other, giving players the opportunity to rebel against conformity as they customise their own characters. Posing as amateur vigilantes or villains, gamers will create their very own Bats and Jokerz characters using unprecedented customisation options including insane costumes, homebrewed gadgets and a wide range of traditional and imagined weapons.”

Not too shabby this week. While we wait for the real heavy weight titles to arrive this year, there is definitely no shortage of quality games to fill the void until then. For now, myself and the rest of the teaming masses of Diablo fans must continue our slow, painful wait for D3…

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.

If you live in the greater northeastern area of New Jersey, there’s a good chance you may have found yourself wondering, “Why do I hear Toxic Seahorse’s music?” Well, you’re not losing your grip on reality my friend. Odds are, you were drive-byed by the Farr, blasting classic video game midi music at highly unsafe decibels. Yes, that momentary lapse where you could have sworn you were hearing Zelda II’s Grand Palace theme was probably yours truly. That’s how I roll. My iPod is a veritable encyclopedia of classic and modern video game music. So now that I’ve boasted my prowess on the subject matter, you’re probably asking yourself, what scandal?

Well readers, on my never ending quest to procure these amazing melodies and sound blips, I’ve amassed a great number of CDs and other media. Obviously, you won’t be finding these types of CDs at your local Best Buy, and back in the 90s it was even harder to locate these soundtracks. I made many ventures to specialty stores hours away from home, ordered imports online from shady websites, even attempted recording music directly from my television. However, even when I finally claimed a soundtrack of interest, something would tend to happen that would frustrate me off to no end, even to this day. Enter the Video Game Soundtrack Scandal.

The first of many soundtracks I’ve purchased with many noticeable missing tracks.

 It’s been happening for decades. It’s a diabolical scheme. It’s even more scandalous than Watergate. You probably don’t realize it, but when you buy video game soundtracks (OSTs), you may not be getting exactly what’s advertised. Take for example the above image of the Breath of Fire III OST. Finding this sucker back in the day of its release was taxing to say the least. When I finally got my grubby hands on it, I hastily put it into my CD player with excitement.

I went through all the tracks and realized right away… there were several songs missing. Songs I was really looking forward to hearing. And I’m not talking about minor songs like falling asleep at the inn music or anything… I’m talking about a few of the dungeons (including the final dungeon), and a pivotal boss battle, just to name a few. So after all this hunting, I don’t even have the full soundtrack to the game? Really Capcom? But it’s not just Capcom, many others are guilty of this crime.

Beware of “Best Tracks” or “Collections.” Merely nice ways of saying INCOMPLETE.

Let’s take a more recent example. Maybe BOF III was just a fluke and I got unlucky. Besides this was in the mid 90s, surely by now game producers have mastered the art of making entire soundtracks… Not quite I’m afraid. Take Xenosaga III, (hell, the entire Xenosaga series while we’re at it). Xenosaga III was released in mid 2006. The game was a wonderful make up for a botched up trilogy (more on that in the future). Now, the music of this game was incredible, and thankfully it was fairly easy to find as compared to the old days.

I got the soundtrack shortly after beating the game; it was 2 disc set no less. Surely they had ample room to fit all of the game’s impressive songs. The battle against Dmitri Yuriev, a unique boss theme only heard once in the entire game… OMITTED. The Miltian Forest, a creepy, melancholy theme that is really emotional and eerie… OMITTED. Ok, maybe I’m nitpicking at this point… but how about this: THE FRIGGIN’ TITLE SCREEN THEME! OMITTED!!! REALLY??? THE FIRST SONG IN THE ENTIRE GAME??? Wow. Just wow.

These “lost” tracks can be yours for another $29.95.

Here’s my principal argument. You wouldn’t buy a board game with missing pieces. You wouldn’t buy a book with missing chapters. You wouldn’t buy a car with a missing wheel. Why the hell am I buying all these soundtracks with missing songs? Were they not in the game? Did I just imagine hearing them? To me it’s just absolutely lazy and sloppy. It really shouldn’t be that difficult. If the songs were put in the game, they can just as easily be put on a CD.

Finally, there’s the ultimate insult. I’ll see a soundtrack for a game that had “missing” or “lost” songs from its initial release, and magically a “Lost Tracks” soundtrack gets released for that game! Amazing how they “found” these tracks. Did someone clean out their desk and find the tracks under a pile of papers? Were they misfiled in the filing cabinet? Were they lost at sea? Or here’s a good one: Maybe they’re just greedy assholes and want to charge you for another soundtrack. My guess goes with that one. Lost tracks… kiss my ass!

A small sampling of my personal collection.

I dare say I would consider myself a connoisseur of video game music. The music of video games has always fascinated me, as it can greatly impact the mood and emotions of the player if it’s done well. To be able to hear these songs again and again brings me great enjoyment. Why the process of finding many of these great songs is so painstakingly difficult is beyond me.  I’ve burned many CDs in my day, and I can tell you it is very simple to include all the tracks you want as long as you are competent. Apparently this is beyond the skills of certain individuals. I leave you with the old adage: Buyer Beware (when buying video game soundtracks).

©2012 Game-Flush. All Rights Reserved.