Occasionally we plan to feature guest reviews and articles (maybe comics too). They may come from other industry professionals, unofficial members of our staff (aka freelancers), or even one of our surprisingly writing-savvy readers. Here we present our first guest review by Ryan – The Orange Testament, a friend and associate of the Flush Staff. Though he may become a more regular contributor in the future.
First, I just want to say that I’m a HUGE Star Wars fan, and that I will buy almost any game having to do with said franchise, almost always on the first day. With that being said, let’s start talking about the biggest waste of time and money that I have ever encountered. (Beware, full SPOILERS will follow)
If we’re to assume that this game follows the “light side” ending from the first game, then Starkiller is supposedly dead, and we’re also to assume that we begin this game as his clone. Already, this kind of takes away from the enjoyment because if you are, in fact, a clone of the character from the first game, then you’re not really him. But maybe that’s a different issue entirely.
Now, I said ‘supposedly’ because the fact that you may be a clone is constantly questioned throughout the game. What this is supposed to do is have you think, “Hmm… maybe Starkiller is alive after all… maybe this game is all worth it”. It’s a fair thought, and one that I was thinking myself, but in the end, you still don’t get a clear answer, and so the player is just stuck suspending disbelief for the whole two and a half hours it takes to beat the game. Oh, did I forget to mention that part?
Yes, this game is really short. I could’ve spent that time watching The Room, which would’ve been a waste of time in itself, but maybe a more entertaining waste of time. You go through the game hacking and slashing, using your force powers to do amazing things, like force pushing enemies off of ledges. Apparently every location in the Star Wars universe is built so that stormtroopers and guards can easily fall to their deaths. “Hey, isn’t it a little dangerous to be patrolling by this ledge? I could fall and die.” “Nah, unless some crazy Jedi clone comes through and uses the force to lift, throw, and push all of us over the edge, I think we’ll be alright”. A little naïve, I think.
One other thing that bothered me about this game was the main plot. When you escape Darth Vader’s clutches at the beginning of the game, you’re main goal for the rest of it is to…(are you ready?)… find a woman. Yep, that’s what it boils down to. The woman that Starkiller fell in love with in the first game, Juno Eclipse, is now a part of the Rebel Alliance, and you leave to find her. About halfway through the game, you arrive on the ship she’s on, ready for the reunion that you’ve been waiting for (although I think Starkiller is the only one that cares at this point), but then in a big, super, twisting turn of events, you find out that the Empire has kidnapped her. So, now your goal is to rescue her from Darth Vader himself. “Oh man, I can’t believe that this happened, I can’t wait to take out Vader and get my girl back.” Is that the thought process the writers were going for at this moment? I really have to take a moment to realize how much I actually hate this game…
Moving on, you keep doing the same thing as you’ve been doing all game: force push, force push, hack, slash, occasional button-timing event, rinse, repeat. Then the big finale, and it’s time to face Vader, which mostly consists of him force-throwing objects at you, then, when you finally dodge them enough, you can slash him a few times. Then you just repeat the same thing over and over again until he’s done… and that’s it. The game is complete. What felt like a midway point to a normal game, is actually the ending.
Oh, but wait! Now, you get to choose to let Vader live and take him prisoner (light side ending) or to kill him (dark side ending). Nice try, LucasArts, nice try. You see, the ending to this game is supposedly going to lead right into the original Star Wars movie (Episode IV: A New Hope), but either of these choices completely negates the fact that they were trying to make this game canon within the Star Wars universe. It’s just poor writing. The only thing that would save this franchise is if they decided to make a third installment and have that one lead into the movie…but it’s still not enough to save this piece of rushed garbage.
I hate this game with every fiber of my being, and my goal is to steer people clear of this atrocity. Have a nice day. Oh, and don’t play The Force Unleashed 2.
Game Play: 1/5